The Space Between Brave and Lonely
No one tells you how much courage it takes to build a life in a new place.
You prepare for the adventure, the purpose, the beauty of it all—
but not always for the quiet ache of being far from what feels familiar.
For many of us, living overseas can awaken both wonder and weariness,
stretching our hearts and nervous systems in ways we never expected.
At 23 years old
fresh out of university
brand new degree under my belt
first time out of my parents’ house—
I moved my entire life to Kenya to teach.
I was adulting for the first time in my life,
teaching at my first job,
and away from the community and family I’d known my whole life.
At first, it was exciting.
I was going to make a difference.
I was on an adventure.
This was the beginning of something great.
Then—
reality hit.
Not like a ton of bricks—
because bricks only hurt the outside—
but something heavier,
that wounds the inside too.
All my insecurities,
attachment anxieties,
fears about safety,
tendencies to control,
to be negative,
to hide away—
came out.
The stress of navigating all the new—
the foreign foods,
the different ways of driving, living, talking,
the loneliness of entering community that didn’t know me,
and the absence of anyone who would just give me a hug —
it all got to me.
I thought this was going to be an opportunity to be resilient.
I imagined it would be way more fun
and way less overwhelming than it was.
Was it me? Was I doing it wrong?
How was this reality so misaligned with what I had imagined?
The truth is, no one can prepare you
for the particular flavour of hard that expat living will bring.
Being pulled out of a place where you’ve been known
and planted in a foreign land
where no one really sees you—
it does something to your nervous system.
Your brain’s alarm system starts working overtime,
scanning for safety, for something familiar.
The routines and relationships that once steadied you are gone,
and your body can’t quite relax.
Even small things—
shopping for groceries,
learning a new road,
greeting a neighbour—
take more energy than they ever used to.
You might notice yourself more anxious, tired, or numb,
and wonder why you can’t just “handle it better.”
But your brain and body are simply trying to adapt
without the anchors that once told you, I’m safe here.
Living overseas doesn’t just stretch your comfort zone—
it rewires the parts of you that long for belonging and stability.
And that kind of change is exhausting.
It’s not that you’re weak
or not cut out for this.
It’s that your brain and body are working hard
to build a new map for safety, connection, and meaning.
And sometimes, we need help doing that.
because being human in transition is hard.
Counselling can offer a place to slow down,
to understand what’s happening inside,
to find steadiness again—right where you are.
It’s not about fixing what’s wrong,
but helping your brain and body come back into balance
as you learn to belong again—
both to yourself,
and to this new place
you now call home.
About the Author: Breanna Thompson is a registered therapist who integrates EMDR, somatic, and Internal Family Systems (IFS)-informed approaches to support trauma healing, embodiment, and reconnection. With a background of living and working internationally, she offers therapy to clients in Canada and abroad, helping them find safety within themselves and nurture a more compassionate relationship with their inner world.